A daily dab will do ya.

Oh hello.

It's been awhile huh?

I come here, often actually, and I think...you should blog. You should write something. I also think, You should read more. You should paint more. You should cook more. And then I think, should should be a bad word. Removed from our vocabulary completely. It's a heavy word, it's implications are bigger than it seems, and it doesn't actually exist. A therapist I once had, her last name is Joy, I chose her because of that. I figured if we were in a movie that would be a really great sign, or at least a great character. I loved her, she was hands down the most effective therapist I had ever seen. Actually, now that I think about it maybe I should give her a call. It's always good to talk to someone. ANYWAYS. One of the things she told me that has stayed with me was "There is no future and there is no past, these things do not exist at this moment, the only thing that is real is what is happening right now." Duh, right? This is not to say that reminiscing, or learning from history is out the window. Or that planning for your future is pointless. But to WORRY about these things, to worry you said or did something wrong yesterday does nothing but take away from today. And to STRESS about what MIGHT happen tomorrow is even worse. She told me this in response to the anxiety I would feel, there was literally nothing I could do to change what had already happened, and no way I could actually know what was going to happen tomorrow...so, just let it go. Exhale.

SHOULD. Should have, should do. This word. This word just so fully IS just all about tomorrow and all about yesterday. "You know what you SHOULD do?" "You should've done this" "I should do....I should be..." No. I shouldn't do or be anything, I shouldn't have done anything differently. I COULD have. And maybe I will. But, not should. There is too much pressure with that word. It implies such negativity. So I banished it from my vocabulary. Especially now with a little girl that is going to grow up asking me all sorts of questions and maybe look to me for advice. There are so many 'coulds' in her life, she could be an astronaut, a ballerina, shy, loud...she could be so many things. She could be whatever she wants, whatever she sets her mind to. But I will try my hardest to not put any shoulds on that list. This is a grand idea I know, and in theory it's lovely, but I know that the reality is Should is part of our vocabulary and there are times when it will be necessary. You really shouldn't smoke tons of weed in junior high. I mean, let's be realistic here. But, let me also try to be optimistic and live in the present as much as I can. Let me relish in my shouldless world.

When I was just a little girl I asked my mother,

"What will I be? Will I be pretty, will I be rich?" 

Here's what she said to me

 
"Que Sera, Sera  

Whatever will be, will be  

The future's not ours to see  

Que Sera, Sera  

What will be, will be"
When I was young, 

I fell in love I asked my sweetheart, 

"What lies ahead? Will we have rainbows, day after day?" 

 Here's what my sweetheart said

 
"Que Sera, Sera  

Whatever will be, will be 

The future's not ours, to see  

Que Sera, Sera What will be, will be"

 
Now I have children of my own  

They ask their mother, "What will I be Will I be handsome, will I be rich?" 

I tell them tenderly
"Que Sera, Sera Whatever will be, will be  

The future's not ours, to see  

Que Sera, Sera What will be, will be"

So, after all that. I really just came here to say that I am going to try and blog every day. Every. Single. Day. I am a mom, and I have one hell of a babe. I am enjoying this crazy little life I have with my husband, in our home, with our family. We are cooking and doing one tiny house repair at a time. We are trying to balance love and baby, life and work, and well there is actually a lot I'd like to put in writing. It will be very helpful to put into words my life, so as to really appreciate it daily. We also have a pretty huge adventure we are about to embark on, an adventure that will provide much to write about......soon, I hope. :)

So that is all.

Take me back oh world of blog.